#its 11pm here tho so thats for another day

[darethshirl]

AU: What if instead of Lucanis, Spite was put into Illario?

The demon Illario expects to be stuck with, once his trap snaps around his own neck and he realizes the true nature of his imprisonment, is Fear.

It's what would make sense. Has not fear been his constant companion, after all, once you peel away all the other distracting emotions? Fear of failure—Caterina's disappointed eyes, glittering black and distant in her hooded gaze; fear of pain—the shock of a blade cutting too close to the skin, the swooping drop of horror in his belly at the idea of torture; fear of death—not like this, not yet, give me another chance, please—

And now a brand new category of it, one he'd never imagined would ever have cause to touch him: fear of magic.

The lightning tears through his muscles and tendons like soft tissue, punches the abused and shocked organ of his heart until it stutters in his chest. It burns his skin, his follicles, the yielding jelly of his eyeballs. Illario screams through a pain so unimaginable it encompasses his whole world, blanks out each thought. He screams because he has no other choice. He screams, and the mages outside his cell watch with black, distant eyes.

"Hmm," one of them says, when the lighting is cut off and Illario drops to the floor like a sack of overripe meat. Her mouth purses as she marks one singular line on the vellum of her notebook. "Not much improvement."

"It's because he has no magic," her companion says, his voice high and reedy. "Why are we even bothering pursuing this avenue? It's a waste of a specimen—not to mention jail cell space."

The first one shrugs, her slick Tevinter coat whispering. "Broadening the standard deviation? Besides, it was orders from above."

"Zara," Illario croaks, down in the dirt. His jaw aches down to his molars. "Take me to Zara."

It's as if he hasn't spoken. The mages scribble at their notes, check over their instruments, their glinting, golden timepieces. "Shall we change the resonance?"

"The texture, I think."

"Hmm. Very well." The woman casts her gaze over Illario, as indifferent as if she's perusing copper trinkets in a rundown foot market. "Make a note."

They walk away, their footsteps crisp against the marble floor. Illario experiences a moment delayed bewilderment—where is the upcoming thunder strike?—before a shriller note of alarm punctures through his mind-fog—are they leaving him behind?

"Hey," he says, struggling to his knees. The prison bars are icy against his palms. "Hey! This has all been a mistake! Let me talk to Zara!" Illario's voice scraps past his throat, his shouts ricocheting against the stone-hewn cell walls, reverberating inside his skull. "Listen to me, you shitstained, donkey-assed sons of a puta! Listen to me!"

Silence. Illario breaths puff out in the cool air, too-quick, frantic. His eyes bug out. His stomach cramps. This can't be happening, it can't—there must be a solution somewhere, a rat-hole he can slip through—

But it's all pointless. Illario trembles, and lets his panic crest.

[cainightfics]

can we get an update? are u doing ok? u had such crazy output last year and now u so suddenly stopped

hey! ya sorry i went so mia its been a busy year. im still working on fic but its slow. from when i last updated trotw to april i was working 3 jobs, taking a full uni courseload, and writing my thesis. the thesis in particular honestly burned me out on writing really badly but i did manage to write that one oneshot

then summer was just shit honestly lol. i spent the entire summer working at a restaurant to save up money bc i had to move away in september, and the shift i had started at 6am, so i was almost never awake during my peak writing hours (11pm to 3am). i lost 30lbs in 2 months partially because i was broke and partially because my eating disorder relapsed (probably from stress lol). during that time i was only eating one meal a day in the form of my free staff lunch at work, but the restaurant where i worked was INFESTED WITH MICE :))))) so half the time i was too disgusted to eat thinking there might be rodent shit mixed into my food lol. and then on my days off i just ate like eggs and rice and zucchini bc thats what i got from the food bank. in august i started really genuinely and consciously restricting my calories down to like 500-800 cals per day, plus working on my feet as a waitress doing like 20k steps a day as a result of the malnutrition and rapid weight loss my hair started falling out in massive clumps :))) and i started sleeping for like 12 hrs a day. im eating properly now ofc tho

i moved in september for grad school and am now living in one of the most expensive cities in the world lol so i spend a lot of time just financially struggling. i have a job that will last until the end of december but its under contract so i only make like $600 a month and have to rely on my $14k school stipend and meagre savings for the rest. ive been looking for another job but i either get no interview, have the interviewer ghost me, or most recently, get told i have the job and then just never get scheduled. i have 7 cents in my checking account rn lol. my rent is paid until next month and then after that who knows whats gonna happen to me

last years output was definitely a fluke and only happened bc i was VERYYYY financially stable and could fuck around a lot at my part time job, where i wrote most of trotw. those sunny days are gone 🚬🚬 lol but i dont intend to abandon my works and i promise they will come someday. if anyone here feels like paying my rent itll come EVEN faster!!!

thx for checking up tho, its nice to know i havent been totally forgotten by u guys <3

[neo-shitty]

reading drown made me remember how much music personally means to me. i used to have a hard time sleeping back in 6th grade to the point that it badly affected my studies bc for some reason im wide awake at night, felt tired but still fully awake which made me unable to focus in school. so of course i researched what i can do since i didnt want to tell my parents (nasa google kaya lahat 😌) long story short, try listening to music daw 😭 so i did bUT since listening to music wasnt really my hobby, i didnt know what type i should start off and at that time, kpop just recently became big LMAO it was like around 2017 i think. so i liSTENED TO EXO since it was the group that i have been hearing around school AHAHAHAHA the song was baby, dont cry btw. it worked surprisingly, music does calm one's nerves. i didnt understand the lyrics ofc but just by the melody, it made everything around me peaceful. whenever i feel anxious, sad, or stressed, music is the way to go :"> SO EON STORY KO PANO AKO NAGING KPOP FAN 😭😭😭 parinig aq ng iyo po 🙇

pero ofc there were times when it was pointless. there were times na listening to music just made everything worse, it would just be another noise that would frustrate me more. kAYA ANG NEED DITO IS ANO TALAGA U KNOW OO ung pwede mong sandalan hahahaha kaso wala ako non :"> so while reading napapa "sige chan ahhaha sana ol sige sana ol may y/n ng buhay nila hahaha" pero real talk, it would be nice to have someone you can share all your worries with without feeling guilty of wasting their time kaya stray kids hopefully you wont be afraid to love someone freely 😌

uy pati nakakaqiqil si jae dito >:( pero no, bias ko pa den siya sa day6 <3 and the scene where chan was guiding reader along while she was riding his skateboard is so cute huhu ,,, lia is the mc in checkmate, correct?

para akong ewan kc you posted this 11 pm right? i always like reading/watching while lying down sO humiga ako kaso pagkahiga ko, inaantok ako agad :"> enjoying something while youre at your most comfortable position feels so ✨heavenly✨ but it makes me too comfy that it drowns me in sleepiness. like i need to sleep muna bago ako maka focus 100% sa ginagawa ko lmao eh since end of the day eon, pagod aq :"< SMALL RANT LNGS KC BIGLA KO NAPANSIN KAGABI HAHAHAHAHA actually pati this afternoon, manonood sana ako hometown chachacha kaso pagkabagsak ko, tulog. kaya tinuloy ko na lang after an hour of sleep huhu

speaking of hometown, im on ep 10 and its the first ep where seungmin's ost was showcased ! im really excited marinig siya later pag finish ko nung ep na eon. BY THIS TIME EP 12 KA NA NOH?? HOPEFULLY EHE EHE and yes justice para sa mga nababastos >:( daming cases here in our school last f2f tbh. ewan like kadalasan, based on my experience, sinisisi nila sa pananamit ng mga babae 👁️👄👁️ i watched a video/show wherein a boy got caught sexualizing ung kaklase niyang girl tas he defended himself by saying na ang ikli ng skirt ni ate girl but thats literally their uniform , scary honestly

pati ify sa ipis, idk why but im more scared sa ipis than mga daga kc naman ang ipis parang gagamba, bigla biglaan na lang mawawala :"> AH SO UN NGA DI AKO NAKAPUYAT AHHAHAHAHAHAHAH PERO WANT KO NA ULE 😭 anong oras ka natulog?

i just realized then, almost all my feedbacks (?) rants abt your works, may included back story ko HAHAHAH like sa obliviate, harry potter kemene. sa on the ride home, yung untog series q. tas dito sa drown -> ^^^ syempre sa checkmate di ako relate kc di pa naman aq pumapanaw Y^Y

btw how was your day? pag gising ko sa umaga dumeretso aq proj, sipag i2. advance happy eating for dinner !

HAPPY CHANNN DAYYY ,, ayos na daw kurtina nila di ko pa nakikita pero inayos daw ni chan 😌👌

- 👻

glad i came home to a whole ass diary entry today omg owo

6TH GRADE HELP ISNT THAT LIKE TOO YOUNG TO HAVE AMNESIA ;n; hala baka magfalse diagnosis ka sa gogol ha, tell your parents next time kung may ano. oh yeah, mas better talaga kung di mo naiintindihan yung lyrics? bc you don't have to think of the lyrics too. music stopped working as a lullaby for me when quarantine started so i resorted to yt vids. but i still go for music whenever my self-esteem is low. noise music really boosts it *u* exo-l ka pa ba now? or you didn't stan? sinu-sino nga pala stinastan mo omg?

dude my story started in g2 when i heard fire by 2ne1 on the MIT top 20 of myx. i was quite a casual kpop fan up until late g10 when i started memorizing members (which i didn't do bc i was really just in it for the music not the groups).

HAJSHJAH truly tho it's nice to have someone around :'( namimiss ko na rin yung time na may 'y/n' ako but it's been so long that i'm fine on my own na HAJHAJ JAE IS MY BIAS TOO BUT ANTAGONIZING HIM WAS FUN. t'was bc of this vid (around the 28:18 to 29:20 mark; literally the inspo for the whole fic). yep, lia's checkmate's mc! the part abt guiding sa skateboard happened to me irl HIHIH #kilig #reminiscing kakamiss f2f

yeah at 11pm. i think i posted it too late bc it's not doing too well notes wise but whatever, it's chan day. HAHAH glad you slept easily though! MY BIGGEST SANA ALL. i slept at 3 na kanina bc i was either too hot or too cold.

how long is the kdrama? also i'm really proud of seungmin for scoring that ost :'( go get it, vocal king. NAUR I DIDNT GET TO FINISH THE ANIME BC I WENT AND WATCHED BSD KDJSKLJ i'll try and finish it tonight (bc i was out the whole day + i might be writing later) i fucking hate men. icb i'm at the point where i'm torn abt having a bf bc i kinda want a man but they're disgusting as hell???? it's hard to find the good ones nowadays.

mga ipis kasi feeling butterfly jsdhjfh at least yung daga aware ka kung asan ;n; IM SCARED OF SPIDERS TOO JDSKFJ wag ka magpuyat l8r kasi monday pero eh depends pa rin sau

oo nga pansin ko din yung back stories but they're interesting to read naman so i don't mind !! SANA DI KA TALAGA MAKARELATE SA CHECKMATE JUSQ do not claim the negative energy from that fic

we went to my mom's office earlier bc she wasn't feeling great and she couldn't come home yet kasi nakabubble siya doon. we just go thome tapos yown diretso answer sa ask HAHAH magtstsaa palang aq mamaya pa ata dinner namin mga 7 pero yeah advance happy eating din sayo!

AND YES HAPPY CHAN DAY <333 lol narealize ko lang both my ults had sunday birthdays this year o.O and OO HAJSHJAH i watched the chan's vlog last night (partly the reason why napuyat ako) and inayos niya yung curtain sa bandang huli <//3 can't tease them anymore HMP

[mistymark]

the one with the annotations.

dong sicheng x reader // 3.7k words // masterlist // send requests here

summary; in which sicheng keeps writing in the books at the library and it should be obvious but that’s,,, not,,, allowed???

warnings: none its just fluff, theres some humour if u like,, squint

requested; yes :D - “Enemies to lovers 👀 with sicheng? Love your writing btw 💕” from anon

notes; based on this prompt: ”You’ve got to stop returning books full of corrections and spiteful comments in red pen bc I can’t stop reading them and my boss gives me disapproving glares when I laugh at the funny ones

ohhhhh boi

so while you were at uni you had a part time job at the library

because surprise surprise as a lit major you like books

shocker there

you always tried to work the late shifts, closing up and doing the returns

just because it was easy and relaxing organising and restacking the books

but soon you wished you took the earlier shifts

because of dong sicheng

not to be dramatic but

your long rival

he started coming to the library to borrow books

because that’s kind of the point of a library

but he ended up liking the environment for studying

and would stay there for hours just to study

and you’d admire his hardworking nature

if he left on time, that is

you would do the rounds ten minutes before closing

just to tell everyone like

‘hey, we’ll be closing in around ten minutes if you want to begin packing up’

but this bitch

would nEVER PACK UP ON TIME

you’d end up standing at his table with your bag and the keys in your hand

tapping on the wood to try and get his attention

and him slowly packing up afterwards

even tho he kNOWS you want to go home

‘you’re just as slow as you were in kindergarten hey?’

and he’d be so furious

‘you know you cheated’

‘I don’t remember any such thing’

and maybe you did maybe you didn’t

you were like four years old

as if you’d remember a race you won when you were that age

he just rolls his eyes and leaves as you lock the doors

you leave in the other direction

happily leaving him behind

but he stops by every Monday Tuesday and Thursday night to study

which are the days you work as well

he acts like it’s just part of his schedule 

but he worked out if he came in on Wednesday’s he didn’t have the opportunity to annoy you

and honestly?

annoying you at the end of your shift and after a long session of studying was the highlight of his night

but he keeps borrowing books

and you’re like

whatever

until he borrows this new book you’ve been wanting to read for ages

and you were low-key so bitter

this lil bitch has no way of knowing you wanted that book but somehow he does and that’s the only reason he’s borrowed it

even though,, he literally had no idea lmao

tbh u probably would have wanted to talk to him about the books he reads bc u have very similar taste

okay the same taste

but he’s such an asshole ur like nah fam

anyways he returns it after a week

boy reads fast ok

and when he goes to drop it in the returns box

you just take it from his hand and scan it under your name straight away

and put it under the desk so no one else can borrow it

and when there’s a lull in the work at the library

you reach under the table for the book and rifle through it

and you notice a few pencil marks

and upon further inspection you realise they’re comments referencing certain parts of the book

and you do nOT stand for vandalism

but some of them are fuckin hilarious not gonna lie

on the page you just happened to open

you can see there’s a comment beside a passage of text depicting a fight scene

‘this would kill someone wtf’

and u laugh and wonder who had done this

like the book had only been out for a little while

and u finish it in just less than a week

bc u read a lot during your shifts

probably a lot more than you should tbh

and seriously the comments made the book better

you hadn’t laughed so hard at random commentary so much

like the words were exactly what you were thinking

you couldnt help it

while ur putting some of the books back in the middle of your shift

!!!! you see another book that u might like !!! 

not to judge a book by its cover butttttttt

it looks like ur type oop-

and after flipping through it

to get an idea of font size and chapter length cause ur a whole nerd like that

u see it ALSO has pencil markings

in the borders and underlining sentences

and without even thinking u borrow it

just to read the funny comments again

and ur boss comes up to you during your shift and is like

‘have you seen someone’s been writing in the books? look at this’

and thrusts a book in ur face

and ur like ??????? okay chill I’ll look

and u read the writing she’s pointing at

the familiar loopy handwriting adorning the page

and it says ‘I hope she throws her drink in his face’

when u read the paragraph for context

u realise it’s a confession scene

a few lines down the mystery person has written ‘called it.’

and u can’t help but laugh

like come on that was funny

but ur boss doesn’t agree

she just asks you to find out who’s doing it so they can be suspended from the library

or charged with vandalism

or something

she wants vengeance

u roll ur eyes and go to one of the staff computers

scrolling through the lists of borrowers for that specific book

and it’s a fuckin library that book has been borrowed a loT

2031 times ???????????????

you almost fall of your chair tbh

then someone clears their throat in front of u

and u immediately apologise as u try and get the right tab up to process the borrower’s book

but once u look at the person in front of u

you wish you hadn’t been so nice

sicheng stands in front of you

a grin on his face as he hands you another book

smug bitch is so happy he startled u

‘looking at porn on the library computer, yn?’

u laugh

‘I’m not u in 8th grade’

he glares at you as he takes his book and goes back to his desk to continue studying

u were soooo hoping he’d leave

even tho u kinda enjoyed looking at him

like dude was hot okay

what were u supposed to do????

ur actual job????

please.

so he stays

and when it’s ten minutes til closing

u go and let everyone know

and u stop at sichengs table

and he’s writing out notes or something

idk it’s not like u care anyway lol

but he’s lowkey frustrated bc he keeps messing up this one goddamn formula

so he erases it

and that’s when u catch a glimpse of his handwriting

and bruh am I high or is that the exact same handwriting as in the books

I mean he has borrowed a few of the books

and he’s into that genre

not that you've checked out his borrowed list or anything

basically ur having this whole conversation with yourself in your head

bc ur cool like that

and he’s like ????? why this bitch standing over my shoulder and watching me write out this equation

until he’s like ‘what are u doing’

and ur like !!!!! oh hi !!! sorry I was busy listening to the voices in my head lmao xD

jk jk

‘have u been writing in the books’

and suddenly he’s super shy

and he has this massive grin

and he’s like ‘no’

bitch we know it was u stfu

u roll ur eyes and ur like ‘its not funny my boss wants you to be suspended’

he squints at you

‘how do you even know it was me’

and then:

‘DO YOU HAVE E V I D E N C E’

and u cross your arms

like a badass bitch

and ur like ‘I have plenty of evidence actually’

‘for one, youve borrowed all the books that have been found with writing’

‘and your handwriting matches’

subconsciously he covers his notebook with his arm to hide his handwriting

and he's like ‘why are u telling me this’

you're taken aback by the question tbh

like ?????? to be a good person ??????

idk u fuckwit just wanted to warn you

‘thought you'd want to know’

and he just turns back to his book

and you shrug and walk away like ok get suspended then see if I care

but u do :((

but as you walk away hes like

‘wait’

‘Im gonna be suspended??’

and u nod like ye that's what I just said but ok

‘like I cant borrow or I cant come in at all?’

u don't know tbh

‘both I think?’

and suddenly there's panic in his eyes

another person walks past u and thanks u

and u mindlessly tell them to have a good night as they leave

everyone has left

except sicheng of course

that beautiful son of a-

wait why did u say beautiful

‘what can I do to nOT get suspended??’

and u shrug bc idk dude not my problem

but then u think about it

‘I mean if u get rid of the evidence theres no way u can be suspended, right?’

and he seems so happy at the thought

‘would you help me? please?’

and ur sooooooo skeptical

‘depends. what do u want to me to do?’

‘I mean I need access to the books so’

‘yeah ill let u in and out’

‘I can't exactly just erase the markings when people could be watching’

and that's exactly how you end up sitting in the library with dong sicheng at 11pm at night rifling through books to find odd pencil markings to erase

it wasnt that hard

u just got his record up

*snorts* ‘you borrowed ‘how to talk to girls’ when we were thirteen’

and he just rolled his eyes and marched to the computer like ‘you can see my record I deserve to see yours’

and ur like NOOOOOO nononononono

but later

‘you've read all the light-fighter novels??’

he looks at you from where hes searching for one of the books on the list, an eyebrow raised

‘yeah why’

‘dude,, I loved those books’

and he smiles a little

‘thats where I started marking the books tbh, every time I read it id add a little cross in the corner of the cover bc I read it so often’

part of u is a little impressed

the other is annoyed at how similar your taste in books is

but the first part keeps asking why u hate him so much

other than the staying late and the snarky comments

which you actually find kinda funny-

anyways

once you've gathered up a few of the books

like at least ten each

you sit on the floor of the childrens section

beanbags sprawled out beneath you as u read through some of the books

most of them you've read before

and every time you giggle at something hes written his smile gets a little bigger

but of course youre looking at the book so you dont notice

and he keeps his head down

‘is it bad that im hungry’

you lift your head from the book to look at sicheng

hes not even reading anymore hes just lounging back on the beanbags

and maybe he'd been watching u read

watching as the smile on your face grew wider at his commentary

‘I didnt see you leave tonight. have u eaten?’

you furrow your brows in thought, trying to recall having seen him leave

‘you been watching me, y/n?’

‘have you been eating, sicheng?’

and there's something about the way you say his name that makes his heart jump

his voice is soft as he looks at you in the dark

‘no’

you focus back on the book in front of you

‘finish whatever book youre on and we’ll call it a night’

‘what, you wanna go eat?’ 

you cant tell if hes just surprised or if hes hopeful

or something else

‘no but I do want to sleep’

you laugh and he forces a laugh too

you dont notice the difference

when you've returned all the books

he meets you at the front door as you grab the book you'd been reading that shift

hes just standing by the door on his phone

and maybe its bc ur tired or maybe its just him

but u cant help thinking

Jesus Christ this boy is attractive

and okay maybe u had a crush on him a few years ago

but hey! you were eleven what could u do

the crush still lasted like two years tho lmao

but u shoulder your bag and open the door for him

making sure to lock it carefully

and he walks with you in the direction of your apartment

and ur like oh u live this way too?

and hes like nah

but what kind of boy would he be if he didnt accompany home

like christ y/n u could be h u r t out here at this time of night

but you just smile at him bc wow thats ??? actually ??? kinda sweet

‘who are u and what have u done with dong sicheng’

and there goes his heart again

he just nudges u with his elbow 

and u laugh at him and continue on ur way

when u get to ur building he thanks u for ur help in the most polite way possible

and u can kind of see that hes actually rlly nice ??? how ???

but hes back at the library the next day

and of course he comes up to the counter as soon as he spots you

sneaking around a few desks so u dont hear him come up behind you to whisper ‘BOO!’ in your ear

you jump like three feet in the air and spin around to tell him to get out from behind the desk

‘I dont see a nametag on u that means u have to be on THAT side of the desk thank u very much’

‘didnt realise your name tag said bitch on it geeeez y/n ://’

and u just fix him with a glare once hes finally on the right side

‘are u borrowing a book or not’

‘nuP’

he leans on the desk

his eyes staring straight into yours

‘just wanted to ask if u were able to stay back tonight’

you roll ur eyes

you'd barely gotten any sleep last night

but the look of concern on his face when he realises youre hesitating makes you nod

‘of course,, wouldnt want my least favourite person to get kicked out’

‘I always knew you had a soft spot for me’

you roll ur eyes aGAiN

‘go bother someone else’

‘oh is the hot librarian in?’

you push him away from the desk

but he doesnt miss the faint smile on ur lips

‘sicheng dont make me give you $100 in overdue book fees’

he sticks his hands up at the threat, his eyes wide

‘no. please. ill do anything’

when u raise an eyebrow at him, he just grabs the book you'd been reading (and not yet borrowed) and walks away

and he winks too

u have to stop your heart from beating out of its chest

and later

its 8pm and the library is officially closing

and for the past three hours you'd been walking to sicheng’s desk and subtly been trying to steal your book back

but every single time hes seen you coming

and pulled the book under the desk or into his lap

away from your grabbing hands

every. single. time.

you tap your foot impatiently at him when its time to continue ur undercover project

and he smiles down at his notebook when he hears u huff in annoyance at him

he dramatically looks up at you

‘do you need something?!’

‘do you want to get suspended?!’

he narrows his eyes at you but stands up anyway

he carefully puts his things in his bag and takes the list of books from your hands

a few of them are already crossed out as having been checked and erased

but theres still a lot to go

it takes you almost three weeks to finally get to the last day

and it had been the same thing every time;

sicheng took forever to pack up

you'd eventually find about ten books each

sit in the children’s section

laugh and chat about your lives while you went through the books

tease each other

and when you'd finished,

he'd walk you home

every single time

without fail

it became a habit that on the Tuesdays he'd stop by on his way to his morning class to drop coffee off for you

because he'd kept you up the night before

and it became easy to lose track of time with sicheng

he was just so engaging

there was no part of you that felt bored or uncomfortable with him

yeah he was annoying and infuriating

but his good book taste made up for it

and his annotations in the margins of the books too

‘is this the last of them?’

he squints down at the page again, counting the books on the table again

its the third time hes counted

‘surely ive read more than this’

‘not from this library ://’

you blow your hair out from your face and look down at the pile

‘you know, I think my manager is starting to get really suspicious of me’

‘why’ he looks up briefly from his book to read your face

but you try and remain calm

‘well she only told me about the markings right. and now theyre disappearing’

he looks at you like ?????

‘well she knows ive been closing up late... I think she thinks I did it’

he laughs ‘you? has she met you?’

you pout and throw a pillow at him

‘HEY! what's that supposed to mean :((’

‘it means ive never met someone who's so protective over books as you’

you think about it, chewing ur bottom lip

‘lets just finish this’

‘do u want to get food after’

he surprises you with the sudden question

and the slight nervousness thats evident on his face really makes you want to say yes

but you have a class tomorrow

and you always try and finish up here earlier on a Thursday night

‘cant :((’

he nods and goes back to readng

theres silence for a while

but you find it comfortable

sicheng on the other hand, feels as though hes just been shot down

like

you just turned down his date

you've kinda noticed hes more reserved now

quiet

but rlly hes just kind of embarrassed

until u say something that gives him hope

‘I,, uh, I dont have plans tomorrow night’

and ngl boy is stunned

‘just if u wanted to go see a movie or something idk’

now its ur turn to be embarrassed

u hope ur hair is hiding ur face as u look back down at the book in ur lap bc no doubt ur blushing

but sicheng is just staring at you

and

before even saying anything

he leans over the gap between you

with all the books

and hovers in front of your face

ur so shocked and ur heart is beating way too hard and fast and ur breathing is too quick to be normal are you having an attack I dont know-

and then he leans forward a little bit more

and his lips meet yours

and suddenly its like a fireworks display went off inside you

and then its almost midnight on a Thursday night and ur sitting in the children's section of your workplace in the beanbags with sicheng cupping ur face and kissing you

he just really needed to kiss you

like more than he needed air

and when u finally pull back

he loves how breathless you are

how you have to fight to keep the smile off your face

how you stare at him with wide eyes

‘so its a date then?’

you blush even redder

and nod

‘ye its a date :))’

but for the next fifteen minutes you sit in stunned silence together

small smiles playing on your faces

until u look at your watch and ur like

‘shit sicheng I have to go’

and his eyes widen bc holy crap u were supposed to leave like half an hour ago

so u both sprint around the library trying to put all the books back

and he meets you at the door again after you've grabbed the keys and made sure everything that needed to be locked was,,, u know,, locked

and when ur walkign to the door again

hes on his phone

u cant see but hes texting his friends about what happened lmao what a softie

and when u walk out together

without thinking he grabs your hand

and u walk home

hand in hand

after midnight

he clears his throat

‘so uh,, when actually is our date’

‘my last class ends at 5-’

‘so 5 it is’

‘are u sure??’

he nods happily

and he presses a gentle kiss to ur forehead when u get to ur doorstep

‘ill see u tomorrow’

but the next day

when u come out of your last class

a little giddy

a little too excited

and see him leaning against one of the stone pillars

effortlessly handsome

you feel your heart flip

and maybe ur just tired or maybe its him

but hes really attractive

like really really attractive

its actually just that youre in love with him

he doesnt see you coming

too focused on something on his phone

but he definitely sees you when you push his hand out to the side and step onto ur toes to kiss him

and u can feel him smile a little as he kisses you back

‘ready for that date?’

‘yeah, where are we going’

‘so I was thinking we could go to the libra- HEY! dont hit me I was j o k i n g y/n jesus christ’

[katedoesntexist]

Stay-at-home journal 11/13/20

Yesterday:

Worked

Vegged out in my green reading room

Today:

Work

Maybe try to finish recording a song, idk its been a while

Package returns bc i didnt the other day

Free space:

I think i missed yesterdays entry. The day before was super stressful. Ive been busting ass to get a work project ready for launch, and the go-live went abt as poorly as possible while still staying live and not deciding to postpone. And thats like the worst state it could be in. So we were on a 3.5 hr call until after 11pm and then the next morning i had to figure out as many of the critical issues as possible. It was freaking stressful bc the thing im working on i just started learning last monday. But the client doesnt want to pay for extra hrs so we can add another role to our team, so im the one they get i guess. Plus they delivered their info to us like way late. Its just been rly bad. But yesterday i was able to resolve many of the main issues, so I feel better abt it now. But good god. And of course this has wrecked my nonwork energy, so i haven't been able to do things id like to. Hopefully i dont crash this weekend bc this my chance to actually accomplish shit.

Anyway, half the desk i ordered came yesterday and the rest arrives today. I cannot wait to use it bc literally every minute of work im in physical pain rn. Then when i go to bed i lay here and my body feels like its on fire. Im guessing thats nerve damage or something. I might need to get a cushion for my chair so the back of my legs stop getting destroyed? Idk. I rly dont want to get a new chair tho bc i just got this one. I think the work stress rly has been aggravating everything tho. Im hopeful things will start getting better soon.

So to balance out all my complaining, the trees around the house are turning fall colors and its lovely. Here are a few at various stages of change.

[willgayers]

like, imagine eddie working in a 24/7 convinience store during the night shift (like,,, 11pm-4am) and richie is a regular that just comes in the weirdest hours and buys the most bizarre combo of items and is always trying to flirt w eddie making puns with whatever items hes buying and eddie lowkey likes it (cue stan rolling his eyes)

lmaooo yes yes yes!!

eddie fucking HATES it

but he’s a destitute student (arent we all ha ha ha… send me money) so its not like he really has a choice ya know

he only really likes one of his co-workers (martha) and hates everyone else

but at least theres… something interesting about his job…

richie tozier is 18 and he lives by himself at a condo downtown and his life was pretty fucking boring taking he’d just moved into derry and he knew literally NO ONE other than the cool chick who lives in the same block of flats and richie saw her wearing a the smiths shirt so they became friends 

but then one night,, richie was about to go for a smoke when he realized he’s all out 

also he was kind of in the mood for chicken nuggets

and now that we’re at it how great would a bottle of soda be with that

he remembers seeing a convenience store near his house so he gets up from his couch and glances at the clock ,,, 2am its not that bad yet

so he gets out of the house and walks over to the store

he swings the door open and glances around. the lamps create a rather ugly yellow shade inside,, an old backstreet boys song is playing from the stereos and richie snorts

he doesnt see anyone behind the counter so he just goes straight to the fridge to grab some nuggets,, waddles over to the soda section and grabs a huge bottle of coke

and then he walks out from behind one isle and sees the prettiest?? boy?? ever??

richie drops the coke bottle and it starts to gush out 

the boy behind the counter snaps his head towards richie the SECOND

richie does nothing

“HEY? EXCUSE ME???”

tozier just gapes at him

“ARE YOU GONNA PICK THAT UP??”

“holy shit” richie literally just blurts out 

“??????” this guy is looking at richie like what the fUCK??

then richie flinches back to the moment

“shit,,, i mean,,, yes,, fuck,” richie starts to reach out for the bottle and eddie is like WHAT is this dude seriously gonna grab the-

the soda is still spilling out and some of it shoots straight against richie’s glasses 

“FUCK” he yelps out and drops the bottle, some MORE of it just filling the floor

“oh my gOd just leave it,,, pay for the rest,” eddie sighs knowing he’s gonna have to clean it up

“i am so,,,so sorry” richie blurts out as he rubs his glasses against his shirt and walks towards the counter

eddie looks at him clearer now that he doesnt have the ridiculously big glasses covering half of his face,,, and he swallows because wow?? he’s actually really cute?? 

“yeah its… whatever” eddie murmurs, licking his lips nervously

“so you’ll take that only?” eddie asks, nodding towards the chicken nugget pack

“and a green marlboro”

eddie fights the urge to roll his eyes. he doesnt get smokers

but instead he just hands him the pack 

“that’ll be 6.50″

“here,, and again i am terribly sorry about…”

they both glance behind richie where the coke is only now starting to die out

“yeah.” eddie just says

a few days later,,, richie’s at the skate park with his only friend in town 

“can i tell you something.” richie asks as they’re chilling on top of their skates

“sure” beverly says,, takin a drag out of her cig

“i saw someone”

beverly starts to smirk wide at him 

“oh yeah??? whats she look like i might know her”

richie glances away

“uh.. not a she, actually. a he”

“i go both ways” richie shrugs as beverly’s silently asking if he’s..? not that she’d judge him but out of curiosity

“okay well, whats HE look like”

“he works at the convenience store” richie says and the second he does beverly bursts out laughing

richie’s like ???what???

“oh my god, EDDIE KASPBRAK???”

“you know him???”

“ohh boy eddie kaspbrak is the princess of this town there’s no way in hell you’re gonna get with him”

richie’s heart sinks a little 

“but hey!! theres plenty of pretty boys in this town”

richie doesnt care he wants that one

eddie’s lowkey thought of the weird guy who spilled coke all over the carpet also 

one night richie’s about to make food but realizes he’s out of french fries. and he wants to eat chicken with french fries. he cant possibly eat it with rice that he has,, he just has to eat it with french fries oh well haha what a great thing he lives next to a convenience store!!

so he goes there,, and ,, its faith its destiny or at least thats what tozier thinks eddie is working 

eddie’s stomach flips

mostly because he’s afraid he’s gonna break something again 

“hello” richie says

“…hi..” eddie says, watching as richie walks,, trying to be all cool and casual but ends up walking against a Lays shelf

eddie drops his head quickly to hide his laughter as an embarrassed richie starts gathering up the chips

he ends up taking one tho only so that he can say he “did it on purpose”

“so you’re taking chips and french fries huh???”

“well why not. i like potatoes”

“great”

“uh-huh”

richie’s just staring at eddie as he’s doing his job and eddie can feel this so his cheeks are kinda heating up 

“and a pack of green marlboros”

“right” eddie says,, remembering this from last time 

“that’ll be 10dollars”

“thanks eddie”

eddie almost chokes as the guy flashes him a smirk and is about to leave

“how do you know my name???”

richie just winks and eddie’s stomach flips again but this time its over something completely different and before eddie could ask his name richie’s out of the store already. proud w himself

richie doesnt say anything to bevvie tho even tho they hang out bc he doesnt want 1) beverly to bring him down 2) to ruin the great moment when he’s gonna tell beverly he’s got a date with eddie and see the look on her face

after a couple of days richie goes back to buy a twix bar. and more cigarettes

“hi eds” richie says as he walks in and eddie goes bright red

“do not call me eds”

richie smirks as he shuffles to the desk 

“can i have a pack of-”

eddie slams the marlboro green to the counter

richie smirks lightly

“and a twix” 

“those are in front of you” eddie snaps

“yeah i know that, you handing it to me would’ve just been a great moment to accidentally brush my fingers against yours tho” richie sighs as he grabs the twix and places it on the desk with a sweet smile

eddie’s eyes widen and he has to fake a cough 

“FIVE TWENTY, THANK YOU”

“here ya go” richie says and slides him the money

“whats your name??” eddie asks 

“oh, are you interested in knowing??”

“no, but since you somehow know mine which is kind of stalkery and creepy-”

“richie” richie says as he opens the chocolate bar wrapper and bites down to it 

eddie blinks at him

“richie”

“yeah” richie bites his chocolate again “thats me”

“you enjoying that?” eddie nods towards the twix bar that richie’s literally gorged

“i’ve had better things in my mouth but its okay”

eddie’s jaw drops lightly and he just stares at richie 

and then someone clears their throat so eddie turns his gaze to the rather pissed off looking lady behind richie and he clears his throat

“oKAY! NEXT CUSTOMER PLEASE!”

richie glances behind him 

“hey we were having a conversation here”

eddie’s eyes widen

“UH, NO WE WEREN’T!” Eddie fakes a nervous laugh “please just,, step ahead!!”

“wow, rude eds. im gonna go then”

“ooookayyyyy,,, byeeee” eddie says as he’s already beeping the next customer’s stuff but as richie walks away he still steals a glance at his back

richie just keeps on going back

everytime he buys something weird 

“a vanilla candle..”

“yes, i like the smell”

“uh-huh”

*next time*

“meatballs and popcorn? please tell me you’re not mixing these two”

“i wasnt gonna but thanks for the idea”

*next time*

“cat food? you have a cat?”

“no” 

eddie frowns

“then why would you buy cat food?”

“i wanted to see you” :’)

kaspbrak tries to ignore the butterflies he’s feeling rn

“…three thirty”

“thats some expensive kitty food. well, i hope my next door neighbor tanya will appreciate this”

“youre buying this for your neighbor??”

“yeah. she’s a nice old romani lady with three cats” richie says as he grabs the cat food and eddie starts to smile a little because thats so cute??

richie notices the smile and he just smiles back. no flirts or anything just smiles 

“see ya later alligator” richie says and eddie rolls his eyes amusedly 

“bye”

days pass by,,, richie coming in practically every day and he just doesnt even look around anymore he just grabs the first thing at hands length and puts it to the counter

batteries,, candy bags,, motorcycle magazines,, even tampons once

“…..”

“i get bad nosebleeds” 

and eddie actually lets out a chuckle. an actual ,,, true chuckle and richie gets the biggest smile

“you want your regular?” eddie asks

“huh?”

“the marlboros”

“oh no i quit” richie shrugs and eddie looks surprised

“really?”

“yeah” richie shrugs

(lowkey he quit bc he somehow found out eddie doesnt like smokers)

*eddie heart-eyes intensify*

*another time*

richie’s feeling flirty one friday and buys a pack of condoms

“yyyyello” he says as he slams the pack against the table

eddie looks at it and oh wow he feels like he’s been hit in the chest

why the hell??? he doesnt even know this guy??? yet he kinda feels like he does??? 

“who’s the lucky girl” eddie comments as he beeps the pack

“who says its a girl” richie asks and eddie gets even more pissed off now because??? hE LIKES BOYS??? THATS EVEN WORSE

“right” eddie just dramatically snaps and before he can say the price richie speaks

“im kidding i dont really wanna buy those” he says

eddie quirks a brow

“huh?”

“i dont need them”

silence

“im not having sex”

silence

“i mean i ,,, i do have sex but im not currently having sex”

“…uh huh okay, thanks for sharing this w-”

“okay im getting DESPERATE i need you to go out on a date with me”

eddie’s eyes widen as he raises both of his brows now

“im sorry what”

“yes ,,oh my god PLEASE i’ve been coming here literally every day i thought it would be obvious as im buying things like fucking,,, tampons and protein bars when you can clearly see i haven’t worked out a day in my life”

eddie starts to smile (bc thats true)

“okay”

richie’s taken aback

“huh??”

“okay, i’ll go on a date with you”

“what seriously???”

“yeah” eddie smirks but then jokingly goes serious “just… dont put tampons up your nose”

“i promise i wont i dont even- well sometimes when i do get-”

eddie raises amused brows

“sorry” richie apologizes for talking too much again

eddie grabs a piece of paper and scrabbles something before folding it and handing it to richie

(smooth finger brushing was done btw)

(eddie did it on purpose)

(which sent tingles down richie’s spine)

“i have a free day tomorrow”

“oK THATS GREAT I GOTTA GO NOW BYE” richie’s shocked™

“wait!” eddie stopped him just as richie was about to turn around

“arent you forgetting something??” he says and richie drops his gaze to the counter where eddie’s sliding the condom pack towards richie

richie could fucking cry as he looks at the smirk on eddie’s face

“i dont-” he utters out like what the FuCk Is GoiNg ON

eddie doesnt say anything just raises his brows so richie swallows and nods and grabs the pack, shakily shoving them to the back of his jeans before he gets out and looks at the paper

its got a number

and then 

eddie ,,, and a small heart after that

richie fucking SWOONS and he could do the whole breakfast club fist pump to the air 

they have their date and its lit af and awh

and on monday richie hangs out with beverly

his phone rings and he answers

“hey cutie”

beverly raises her brows

“yeah im still at the skate park.”

silence

“yeah??” richie asks “yeah sure of course!! come here. ok see you”

“who was that?” bevvie asks

richie just smirks

bc literally seconds later eddie walks over (he was just around the corner)

beverly’s mouth drops

“hey!!” eddie smiles as he makes his way over to the two of them,, leaning down to press a kiss to richie’s lips as he sits down 

“beverly,, you might know eddie” richie looks at beverly as he speaks ,, mentally saying HA HA BITCH!!!

beverly just gapes at the two of them

“hi:)” - eddie

“…hi…” beverly gives him an awkward smile

“so like,,, i was supposed to go to work today right?? but then my boss called me and wait im gonna show you this mail i was supposed to take to the post office-”

as eddie starts to grab something from his backpack and goes on with his talking,, beverly turns her shocked gaze to richie who just looks so fucking proud 

“are you serious???” beverly mouths

“ohhh yeah” richie mouths back at him

“hey babe?” richie asks 

“yeah?” eddie asks, turning his head towards richie from his backpack

“gimme another kiss” richie pouts and eddie rolls his eyes, kissing him again. richie starts jokingly planting dozens of tiny kisses on his mouth, making eddie giggle

beverly’s jaw only drops lower

they hang out for some time but once eddie leaves,, beverly speaks

“well,,, guess i was wrong” 

richie just smiles wide bc ofc she was

its reddie

how do i end this??

fuck

bye

the end

@superbyersbros@xbell22@donthateonk8@stenbroughbros@reddiebrekmyheart@itsgreywaterrichie@donvex@blueeyespurpleskies@ageorgymi@oh-youre-the-worst@eddiekaaspbraak @whipashwhipash@rissyq @richietoaster @edskasqbrak @urtury@bukiminajimu@kcutieeesblog@stansmansuris@adorefack@reddieaddict@icyeyes102@denbroughbill@graveyardshipper@taletellingsir@anxiety-freak-yuuri@rheddie@queertrashmouth@richiefreakingtozier@castletozier@tohzier@80soleff@lonewolfhard@low-key-dying@sad-synth@richietoaster@badboyharrington@beepbeep-losers@temptedtozier@kaspbraccs@kylieee827-blog @sad-synth@low-key-dying@officiallyreddie@reddietofall@stanleyboii@eternitynurarms@remushlupin@turtleneckrichie@rosegoldrichie@80srichie@asteroidbill@lonewolfhard@trashmouthgazebos@littlepointman@finnhardwolf@allison0609 @fabulousprinceali  @tatiscribbles @s-s-georgie @coralinejones @richiestoziiers @tatiscribbles

[sunnysidewrites]

Memorize and positive vibes💘💘💘

my bby i love u 💟💟💟💟

memorize: describe in detail the happiest day you’ve had this year.

(2017) honestly meeting my ults in person and creating this blog are tied! so i will explain both:

1. my boys b1a4 visited my city!!!! or the one closest near me, and it was amazing for so many reasons! typically my city isnt visited v often bc we get overshadowed by the other most known city in my state, and the fact that this was their actual 2nd visit to my city blew me away!!! they visited back in 2014 too but i dont think i would have been able to go anyways. i went w 2 of my closest friends n it was a such a blast!! i met this 1 girl from twitter n tht was cool LOL but it was more like she posted “hey guys im here at the venue come say hi to me!” so its not like we were mutuals, we just wanted to meet! it was a v v fun day despite waiting in the cold for several hours but it was sooo worth it!! when we got inside the venue, there was a cutoff starting at this one row n they said we could sit anywhere we wanted, so my friends n i snagged the front row seats asap LMAO and once more girls sat around us, we befriended a few and exchanged social media n stuff!! they were such lovely n amazing ppl, and i can happily guarantee u tht they will be all u meet in the bana fandom!! and ofc, when the actual concert started IT WAS LIT AS HELL!!!! (baro even used lit,,,, jfc save him) im still bitter as hell tht none of the members paid attention to my section except baro!!! so baro is the real mvp n hes now the only member in b1a4 whoops. im just kidding i still love my hubby jinyoung ofc but tht night baro was the only one who mattered LOL they wasted so many water bottles to get everyone wet ;) LOL IT DIDNT EVEN REACH WHERE I WAS BUT IT WAS STILL FUN!!! ok this got 2 long rip sorry i just get so excited :’(( they replayed their ending ment song 297492927 times n i still have pcd to this day. whenever i play good timing album, it makes me SUPER EMO!! anyways guys listen to “a lie” and u can then say u listened to gods

2. if u asked me in the beginning of 2017 if i wanted to make a blog, i would have flat out told u NO. and i did when i talked abt this w my friend. i was just so against the idea of managing a blog or regularly posting or just posting at all. she tried to coerce me but i was v against it! it was also amidst of my rock bottom times, so i didnt even wanna think abt running a blog or whatnot. i took a rlly long writing hiatus, but i wrote a lil in january and then took another hiatus n picked it up again in may. from may to july, i was writing more than usual, and i thought hmm,,,,,,, it wouldn’t be too bad to run a blog,,,,, right???? and it was on the night of wednesday, july 26, that i finally put an end to all the contemplation and spontaneously was like IMMA MAKE A WRITING BLOG. IMMA DO IT!!!! so thats how this blog came 2 be on july 26 @ 11pm and i posted my rules n shit when it was technically july 27 at like midnight or 1am. it was a rlly tough decision to make, but im rlly glad i did it in the end. sometimes this hellsite makes me wanna d*e but all the ppl ive interacted here, mutuals and anons, have been so wonderful n it always makes me happy whenever i think abt how much my life has changed since then. ive never gotten much feedback of my stories, save for maybe 2 or 3 ppl irl. when i uploaded that daycare helper!seungcheol, i was so convinced that it was just gonna be 20 notes max. when it reached 75 one day, i was like oH MY GOD. OH MY GOD. i actually have a shot!!! n when i posted vigilante!wonwoo, it BLEW TF UP. AND I WANTED TO CRY. i remember i was outside at tht time and my phone was just blowing up w notifs n i was gonna break down right then n there. it was so surreal to be hit w that much attention. n then all the mutuals came in later n thts when i rlly cried lmao anyways long story short, i don’t regret making this blog even tho sometimes it feels like crap, but i wouldnt have traded it for anything else

positive vibes: you’ve made it through another year! i’m so proud of you and my year wouldn’t have been the same without you

jane i freakn lov u so much thnk u cupcake :’(((( 💞💞💞💕💕💕💕

Send me more new year asks!

[leetaeiil]

@bbysquirrelsblog tagged me to do a thing so here i am doing a thing hell yeah 

Are you named after someone? yes

When is the last time you cried? like 2 days ago i think

Do you like your handwriting? god no its terrible i can barely read it and im the one thats writing it

What is your favorite lunch meat? turkey but only like thinly sliced deli turkey fuck outta my face with that thick shit

Do you have kids? no

If you were another person, would you be friends with you? god no

Do you still have your tonsils? yeah

Would you bungee jump? no bye

What is your favorite kind of cereal? like not to be a boring bitch but i like corn flakes and cheerios 

Do you untie your shoes when you take them off? not unless i have to i have a pair of sneakers i havent re-tied in like 2 years because i just keep slipping them on and off

Do you think you’re a strong person? no because i break over the tiniest things and im overly sensitive but also like yes because ive been struggling with depression for like 12 years and suicidal thoughts for like 5 but im still here so

What is your favourite ice cream flavor? superman!!! or moosetracks if superman isnt available 

What is the first thing you notice about people? attitude 

Red or pink? pink

What is the least favorite physical thing you like about yourself? not to be dramatic but everything i am literally so ugly my nose and forehead are huge and my proportions are all weird and im also fat so that adds to it honestly like im an atrocity to god

What color pants and shoes are you wearing now? black sweatpants no shoes

What was the last thing you ate? pizza! my roommate just brought some back even tho its like 11pm

What are you listening to right now? nothing im just sitting in silence ://

If you were a crayon, what color would you be? i dunno my dude

Favorite smell? i dont rly have one im sensitive to smell and most things give me a headache 

Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? testing center 

Favorite sport to watch? gymnastics (its in the olympics so its a sport fight me)

Hair colour? i been dying it a reddish brown

Eye colour? very dark brown

Do you wear contacts? i used to but they irritate my eyes too much

Favorite food to eat? i like sushi a lot and also chili. i also get fucked up at the taco bell a lot

Scary movies or comedy? depends on my mood

Last movie you watched? tangled

What color of shirt are you wearing? navy blue

Summer or winter? we dont get winter in florida we live in an eternal summer 

Hugs or kisses? neither im very very very touch averse

What book are you currently reading? i dont fuckin know how to read 

Who do you miss right now? im in an isolation period right now because ive convinced myself that no one likes me so currently nobody 

What is on your mouse pad? dont have one

What is the last TV program you last watched? its been so long since ive watched tv i dont remember 

What is the best sound? like music or some asmr shit (i rly like whispering and water sounds)

Rolling Stones or The Beatles? neither lmao 

What is the furthest you have ever traveled? spring hill florida to jacksonville florida a full 4 hours wow (ive never been out of the state before :()

Do you have a special talent? no im bad at everything????

Where were you born? florida, usa 

ill tag @angelyoons @1yoonj @adreamyheize @eternaltaeil @eggchen @beserkerjewel anyone that wants to do it really 

[lathrine]

even though we go through a lot of produce and food products at my workplace, we aren’t TECHNICALLY allowed to put any of it thats been returned/near expiration/etc. in the breakroom for employees to take home b/c this One Dude thinks he’s better than everyone else and will take literally everything. he’ll take all of it and shove it in his bag and ignore anyone who tells him to stop

so monday we had free hot dogs (grilled up on site by one of the Chill Managers-- thank u bob u are a blessing. u old grandpa man.) because Baseball season, and there were still some leftover hot dogs sitting in the fridge that the manager hadn’t taken home. not unusual, he’ll usually leave the last of w/e food he brings on site so he can cook it up on another day for people.

we get off work at 11pm, i bullshit with my asm for a few minutes-- chit chat, get my stats for the day, say good night, all that. then i leave! i go to the breakroom to grab my lunch bag and my purse and got home. and i round the corner into the breakroom and see this One Dude standing at a table with the fridge door wide open, box of raw hotdogs (or maybe precooked and just unheated, tbh i dont know) on the table, and hes just shoving them into a gallon freezer bag by the handful.

and like. im a fucking trouble maker okay i acknowledge this abt myself. i can never keep my head down when i should. so i tell him!! i tell him we cant take the food home, it has to stay here, he knows that, i have to tell the ASM what he’s doing, etc. and he just fuckin ignores me. i know he heard, tho, bc he roped one of the poor new associates into this and when that guy asked if i was right One Dude just replied with “no no no no no” and that tone of “don’t listen to her, she’s dumb.” you know the one.

so i grab my lunch bag and tell the asm (”I hate to be a tattle BUT”) and he basically vaults over the desk and books it. and im half way out the building when i realize i forgot my fuCKING PURSE. IN THE BREAKROOM. so i have to go BACK. and its like the worst walk of shame?? even though i didnt do anything wrong?? and when i get back to the breakroom the ASM is like standing in the doorway w/ his arms braced on either side, talking with One Dude who’s now going on about how he wasn’t going to TAKE anything!!! how could you even think to accuse him of such!!! he was just moving these hotdogs into a ziplock because they were just sitting in a box in the fridge!!!! he’s just trying to help but no one appreciates him here!!! fine ill put them back in the box!!!!!

and my ASM is standing there like “no one asked you to do this. why would you move them? the manager left them there for a reason. did you put any in your bag? i need you to tell me if you put any in your bag.”

i got in and out as fast as i could so they were still going at it when i left, but im. now terrified that i was horribly mistaken and One Dude legitimately wasn’t doing anything wrong. (even though he has a history of taking food and didnt say anything when i was trying to confront him myself)

i went home and forgot about it and now i have an evening shift today. :) and One Dude is probably going to be working tonight. :) and if he is he’s DEFINITELY going to corner me to talk abt why i got him in trouble. :) i hate confrontation so much my heart is going to explode if i go to work. :)

[haeroniel-doliet]

i need more money to buy little art

honestly tho feeling like for that ideal goal existence i’ll try get to someday, i’ll needa be making proper money comfortable and good so i can spend all i like on society 6 and other to buy shirts and bags and just everything to a house all in different art prints (mostly florals) bc just those pictures are  like everything i want but just so expensive. i’m trying to sum down like 10 to stickers, bc i wanna do up my laptop, but dedicating to a single decal (thats like 25 ON SALE) is too much esp since i love so much. so ive kinda decided to get a hard cover for the laptop just in case i break it, and just in case i do break my laptop that i can keep the stickers on the hard case and dont lose them to replaced parts. idk seems smart. ill probs buy a kinda shady cover off of ebay for 5 or 6 pound and then spend 20 on stickers for it :] since theyre on sale till 8 am today and its 3 am im probs just gonna settle and order them. might order cover tomorrow w my dad bc i need trust assurance. hes not all on board on the stickers so im just gonna go for it. theyre gonna be like my post cards. i buy so many every place. and no. not trashy postcards. i want art. i have so many postcards of paintings in galleries and so many from comic con art valleys (guess who wants to get so much more and 100% will) i love original art the most when its pretty to me and like everyone who sees it. simples okay but i prefer soft and detailed. excited now i can go to con and also be looking for stickers bc maybe ill get a few cool ones that wont cost me as much as the society 6 ones do. and then my laptop can replicate my walls, displaying all the art ive loved that ive been able to take with me (bc theres so much i obviously dont have on my walls) anyway im looking at these and making some small bc i suddenly realise this laptops got realestate. and the saddest thing w stickers (literally why i had one of those waxy paged sticker books as a child) is that i cant dedicate stickers to a single spot. its so much dedication. what if i buy a bigger sticker and it wont fit? what if i get the perfect sticker for that spot and it wont fit? (over lap i guess) how can i be sure i put them in the right spots to start with? augh i dont really wanna cover just half of it and obviously leave space bc that puts pressure on finding stickers and i might get ones i dont love. i cant get sick of any one bc itll be there  (joy of having multiple mean theres less getting sick of anything). anyway i think im happy w the sizes of these 10 stickers and can work w them (also for now i think im just gonna be going around the edges and leaving the apple logo as it is, esp bc it glows and theres already this shitty old smiley face sticker from my old psych teacher and i kinda dont wanna get rid of it, i just wanna add things around it so it doesnt look so: clean (actually dirty) laptop that a child marked as their own) 

anyway society 6 has random discounts all the time which is p rad and maybe the day im ready to invest in my own living space and dont feel obliged to check w my parents about just about any purchase, i’ll then subscribe to something thatll tell me what discount is on. that in mind, i think i’ll only get the 9 now, that hopefully wont cost too much, and leave a bunch in my wishlist, bc there’ll be another discount (this is 20% off everything)  and maybe that’ll be like 50% off stickers and boy then when my collection is underway you bet ill go for it. and like maxx sticks on their sketch book, if i dedicate to a new book maybe ill get more for that and have a pretty thing to keep and reminisce over (tho knowing me, ill not use it much bc i have a need for pretty things to stay perfect and presentable, and i have a need for everything that i might show to others to be like near perfect otherwise its sucks and ill feel bad bc i dont wanna show it off to people. like my art book, sure i couldve made it all experimental and crap and then edited the real pages together on the computer. but no. i needed everypage to be presentable and pretty and handwritten and creative. and they must go page after page, its so awkward showing someone something and then going “oh wait now these few are empty sorry yeah heres the next page” so i baasically have  a book with mhmmm 20-26 pages of beautiful spreads that im quite proud of inside beautiful covers ( i knew id want to be presenting it for years to come) and the back pages are just...empty. and theyll probably stay that way bc i no longer have projects to be doing to fill them with. maybe one day ill grow into myself and grow out the fear of ruining what ive achieved and fill some with new projects to please myself and be an indepenednt artist not just a teacher pleaser. you know its like that with my work too, like it has to have a direction and a plan that will be achieved, and its terribly frustrating when that vision doesnt happen. but i think thats the same with everyone. 

anyway on a side note, dont you guys think its so fun and cool how ive not done my post labs that were due last friday? how every night ends up being 3-4 am until i go... mhmmmm yeah i guess nothing is happening. like i hope id bloom and do work at that 11pm-3am window and then i get here, suddenly having lost all track and sense of time and just sigh. its wasted, its basically tuesday already. have to keep telling myself dates bc it moves so weird. i planned on getting shit done two days ago. here we are regardless. and the most ill get done is get those stickers ordered bc that is i guess what ive been half focused on for mhmmm5 hrs. then ill save my 7 dollars or whatever, have stickers on the way, tomorrow order the case and thats one insignificant thing done. then the question will be have i looked at summer jobs? no of course not ive looked at ballet courses. shush. i havent showered for days bc theyve just slipped by too laying in bed, maybe tomorrow ill take a shower and pick up all the trash and tissues on the ground. maybe i will. i know i wont get real work done tonight, and already ill be sleepy till 1 pm and by then mom will be again on me abt sleeping to latesoo... yeah no point. and here i thought id make a quick totes relatable short post about how i need more money to buy stickers and maybe a brief my ideal life is to have enough money to spend on art being in every part of my life and all this  being unique so people love coming to my house and go wow its so original and cool. and that turned into a word vent thats so far taken me over half an hour. hi my batterys dying. 

lng story short, i’ll order the stickers currently in my basket after so much though, suck it up and do it and know that i have a bunch over in my wishlist for that next maybe even better sale when it happens. the only thing is im taking all the rest as transparent which for sure dulls them down (yeah white background looks sick but for some its just more classy w transparent, then theres this one bear i’m 100% naming wojtek thats in white bc i feel it’ll be best for him, and i guess having him in white will set that theres no clear rules to follow and worst case if it doesnt fit he can come chill on the keyboard side next to my mouse pad thing) honestly i cant tell if i should be getting them all in white and just hope that theyll look gorgeous no matter what. yikes 3 dollar shipping for stickers, ok itll actually be 19.62 pound and using euro card 22.50 in  euros.... am i dumb? maybe. and tho im supposed to be saving money up so i have some, i also did get birthday money sorta recently soo... birthday gift from them. first set of stickers. deep breaths ok. my parents told me when i bugged them that i just have to make a decision and not ask them all the time, and he said to get 3 stickers i told him id pick 12 so i think getting 9 is reasonable. also oh shit realising that the delivery time is 1-3 weeks and im staying here only 1 and a half more so i should really order it to scotland even tho it might get ther ebefore i do bc my parents might not rly want to send them up to me. idk ok order to scotland, thank f at least one of my flat mates is staying and tbh i should really bring her some chocolate... shes done me faavours. 

[capnmarvell]

Drama is going on in my family again. Feel free to read more to find out.

Friday Night/Saturday Morning (between 11pm - 2:30am):

My sister Cassie, who moved into neighbor Stacey’s house almost 2 years ago bc her ex husband was threatening to take the kids away from her if she lived with me and my parents bc my parents smoke weed (even tho he smokes weed and is an alcoholic), got the police called on her. Her roommate Stacey did the calling. Stacey previously told Cassie she needs to leave by March bc shes hella overstayed her welcome. Cassie got drunk this night and started banging on the walls, yelling at Stacey saying she was gonna have to take her and her kids to a homeless shelter bc she was being evicted. She then locked stacey outside and was aparently trying to get into staceys kids room. Stacey called the police. Stacey left with her kids and their dogs while Cassie trashed their entire house and passed out drunk.

Saturday afternoon (between 1pm - 5pm):

My sisters, Tiffany and Tonya, get called over to talk to Cassie. Stacey says officially, Cassie is no loner welcome in her home (yet this little meeting with cassie was held in her home???? ok). My sister Tiffany, who was like cassie’s best friend before she moved in with stacey, told her that she has been cutting off her family slowly for the last 2 years. that they were best friends and as soon as she moved in with stacey she just cut tiffany off, and if cassie had any idea how she made tiffany feel. and tonya pointed out that cassie obviously was having a mental breakdown and she was depressed and that she needed to get help if she wanted to keep custody of her kids. During this entire thing, STACEY KEPT TRYING TO BUTT IN. Tiffany was getting so annoyed like “bitch we are talking to ur sister you are not involved”

Kids are at our neighbor shannon’s during this. Cassie leaves to go to friend from her church (i am convinced its a cult bc as soon as she started going with stacey to this church she cut off her family. who else encourages you to cut off your family???? A FUCKING CULT.) and then, INSTEAD of calling their dad, or asking Tiffany, or Tonya, OR MY FUCKING PARENTS ACROSS THE STREET, another person from the church came and took the children. Uh???? wtf???

Sunday:

We hear nothing from them. All we know from tiffany and Tonya is that Cassie was supposed to be taken to the hospital this day (instead of saturday for whatever reason????). Cassie is ON facebook so if shes at the hospital, but she hasnt checked in bc when you check into psych they take your phone (i know, i stayed in psych for 4 days). Cassie finally comments on my fb status and says “kids are at a friends for a superbowl sleepover”. wow thanks that calms my and moms nerves. what friends???? their best friends are on this street  and we havent seen them.

Monday (between 3pm - 3:30pm):

So mom and i are freaking out about the kids. where the fuck are they? who has them? they’re not with family, they’re not with their dad. I go to the bus stop to see if they get off. They do, and i tell them they are coming to our house and i’ll get their baby brother too. I send a message to stacey and say “the kids are with their family. if you have Filip send him over. When their mom or dad comes to get them, they can leave.” because we have more fucking rights to these kids than she does. What fucking nerve does she have, saying shes a christian woman and wanting to do the right thing always, to not even come to OUR HOUSE ACROSS THE STREET to tell us what the fuck is going on. so i have the kids at my house, not the baby though, and im feeding them an after school snack, and they’re starting their homework with the help of my parents. HERE COMES STACEY.

She tries to come inside i block her. she says i had no right to pick up the kids. i tell her we are the kids family, we have more right than her. we want to help them and ever since stacey came into the picture cassie has cut us off and kept her kids from us. and i even say that shes throwing cassie out! why is she even involved anymore??? and she started crying and yelling saying that i dont know anything and that cassie locked her out and scared stacey’s children and she had to do that (meanwhile STACEY HAS SINCE SENT HER KIDS TO HER EX-HUSBANDS FULL TIME EVEN THO SHES KICKING CASSIE OUT??? AND SHES STILL BUTTING INTO CASSIES LIFE. YOUR KIDS COME FIRST BUT IF ITS CASSIE I GUESS THEY COME LAST) and im like “save it okay i dont need your sob story. youre kicking cassie out and we want to be here for her. these kids are leaving with cassie or their dad” and staceys crying, shes like ‘their dad beat cassie, we cant let them have the kids” and i go “and cassie knows we want to help her with that” and she goes “YOURE THE REASON CPS WILL BE CALLED. THEIR ARE DRUGS IN YOUR HOUSE. YOUR THE CRAZY HOUSE.” and i go “MIKE SMOKES FUCKING WEED AND HES AN ALCOHOLIC, JUST LIKE CASSIE IS NOW. WEED DIDNT BOTHER YOU OR CASSIE WHEN CASSIE NEEDED A FUCKING BABYSITTER ONCE A WEEK SO YOU AND HER COULD GO TO YOUR CULT CHURCH.” 

and she goes “taylor remember when you were mad at cassie and i was on your side, i need you to be on our side now and understand,” and i was just like “shut the fuck up. she cut off her entire family and no one came and told us where these kids were, you want to keep them from us. we want to help cassie bc thats what family does”

and shes like “my church is helping her. We are getting her a house, and a car,” (wow hmm a house and car so cassie is even more debt to your cult church hmmm BESIDES WHO THE FUCK at this church is buying my sister a fucking house? when has a chuch EVER fucking done this???) and i just go “yall are not family your not safe. why did my nephew tell me you hit him??? why???” and she tries to shout past me to my nephew, asking him when the last him she “spanked” him was. i was like “i am NOT letting these kids leave with you. When cassie comes and gets them they can leave. they dont want to leave with you.”

then my dad proceeds to come over and tells her to get the fuck off our property. I come back inside and my nephew looks at me and goes “thank you for making her leave.” HE SAYS SHE HITS HIM. AND HES GRATEFUL SHE ISNT THERE AND THAT I DIDNT LET HIM LEAVE WITH HER. THIS SPARKS MAJOR CONCERN.

My sister cassie then comes in 5 minutes later, no knock, and says not 1 word to me, mom, or dad. she tells the kids to pack up their stuff and they’re leaving. Kids are physically upset, saying they dont want to, that they want to eat dinner with us, cassie tells them another time and quickly ushers them out.

Monday (10pm):

My neighbor shannon texts me, says she spoke to the kids dad, my sisters ex husband. He explained hes been worried about the kids and wants to know whats going on. Shannon texts him what i told her about the stacey interaction and he says hes going to go to the kids school tomorrow for lunch and ask them whats going on. Cassie has no permanent residence, and thanks to stacey getting to a screaming match in my doorway, the kids hear everything about the cops being called on their mom, and stacey throwing them out. Kids will at least definitely tell him they’ve been having “sleepovers” since saturday with different members of their cult church and hasnt slept overnight with their mom in the house since coming home from their dads house.

So whatever the hell is gonna happen, the ex-husband is now involved. and when cassie does eventually lose custody of those kids, bc she doesnt have a permanent home, she didnt go to work today so she probably lost her job (she works with my mom at a hospital and my mom was told if she misses again she might get fired), and she has no car. meanwhile he ex has a home, running a business and looking to open another, has a car, and is dating an actually really lovely woman who has 2 kids of her own. Her ex is a shithead, but she brought this on herself. she cut off her entire family and no one is gonna be here to help her when this cult church decides they dont want her anymore. she cut us off, its been decided today we’ll cut her off right back. we’ll only be there for the kids.